Annual visits to this page

Life is flowing fast yet smooth. I do feel lucky everytime I retrospect through the tough times i have been through. 

I miss my parents a lot - wish they could come over more often - wish they too experienced the luxury or rather the comfortable life that i am leading here. 

I heard somewhere recently - whatever you do - make sure you are loving yourself. This thought kind of stuck to me - yet another attempt of being selfish. I really need to learn that trick in life. 

I received an award for always saying yes and for always helping everyone. Not sure if I should feel good or pity myself for it. Nonetheless being appreciated surely felt amazing. 

It is a race - more like a marathon - struggling to stay on track without losing myself in this whole deal. 

Being alone is becoming more and more comfortable with time - not sure if i would wish to let go of this comfort zone!

Life happens..

 So it has been 2 years since my last post. Not sure why I mentioned about the previous job change as since then I moved to another property. Another city..a different house..different people..different me..

Life has been fair to me so far..I guess..I cant complain after being so privileged to have a job that allows me to live a comfortable life.

Parents visited recently - they were thrilled to see my place and the new city. Unfortunately, I could not take them to other countries - which I truly wish to do..someday..

Living alone for last 4 yrs has been quite a journey - one that I am peaceful with. Work keeps me busy.

Need to live - I am being told that I am only breathing and passing through life - I am not living life - as I should..

lets see..its scary to go back to the old me in a new way..

Life happens..

Annual thought sharing!

This is bizarre -  almost a year and I am back! Not sure if it is just a coincidence, the mind wants to look for signs in every direction. Yea, it is that 'looking for signs' kind of phase that I am passing through. It is being said by many, that life is constantly showing us but we tend to ignore! Well, now that I am trying so hard to read signs, I only hope I dont end up making it all up in my head :P

I have been successful in moving on with my life, well, to some extent. Got a new job, new responsibilities and more.

Life is not bad at all. The year though is getting a bit scary. My only thought being able to reach home to my parents.

A sudden thought that passed my mind today - What if all three of us.. mom, dad and I, could die together like at the same time. There will not be any pain of one losing the other..will be peaceful..i guess.

Reminder..

Is it just a coincidence that I came back here exactly a year after my last visit! Though I don't feel particularly poetic unlike my last fruitless attempt.

It is funny indeed how life has turned out in last one year, with no regrets (regretting, somehow I realised in last one year) do not quite work out well.

I have been blamed for things I did not do, while I try to sever my ties in certain areas of life, I strive to build some ties in other directions.

To be able to write what is felt is an art I could never master, but let this post be a reminder of the severed ties and the family I could never have. A reminder that life still moves on while I try to build a family with 120 members.

Hit me where it hurts the most.
What is the point of hitting otherwise
Like you have the pleasure of watching me suffer I too have my time taking refuge to melancholy.
Melancholy has kinda of been my forte since 17.
Half my life i have enjoyed the mood..
Oh wait does that mean your hurt gave me more pleasure than you derived out of it?
I wonder..
Life is funny isn't it..
While we carry kanoon ka tarazu in one hand..we should carry a mirror..

To be or not to be.... Communist!!

I may be called an anti-nationalist or anti- something or the other post this...however..after watching and reading what all my friends on FB have to say (mix of all sort of emotions) quite frankly i am very confused whom to believe and whom not to.. Being a rational human being, every time i read something from a friend whom i know to be rational too, i decide to trust his/her opinion and then again the next moment its another rational friend who changes the whole concept.. thus, after all these confusion, I had this strong urge of jumping onto the bandwagon of expressing my views to public.. here it goes:
Very recently i had a chance to visit Vietnam to meet the love of my life...apart from the love and nature bit what struck me the most was the way the country is being maintained. Yes people barely speak English (but then again, language is just one mode of communication, when communication happens from heart, you do not need a common phrase or sentence to express yourself) Yes people are a bit laid back, (but then again...whats the rush...what do we gain in a city apart from stress, bank balance ~rarely~ and lot of pollution) As a tourist this is what I noticed:
As a developing country which has been scr**ed over and over again it is commendable how they have maintained their cities and villages alike..the roads are not only broad but are cleaned everyday..barely you will find trash thrown here and there and so are the beaches.
If you are travelling from one part to the other in their inter-state bus, one can not wear shoes, you keep your shoes in a plastic bag and use the rubber sandals provided in case u need to get out of your seat. And all of these just to maintain the cleanliness!!
After a few days I almost felt ashamed that even though we are independent (as if British govt. forbade us to clean our streets and surroundings) we still have the most dirty cities.
Not just cleanliness, the locals are extremely trustworthy ~believe me when I say that our house doesn't have a lock~ and sets amazing examples of hospitality.
The next thought that strikes me is: so is it better to be a communist nation, what have we achieved in last 60 odd years of being a republic nation?
Being brought up in a communist ~barely~ state, I always had the inclination towards the ideologies (very little that I know of and can fathom) but this chaos that we are witnessing in our India, I wonder if all this would have happened if we were ruled by military.

Disclaimer: No I do not look down upon the fact that we actually have the right to vote and our so called 'Freedom' is in abundance..however, what are we doing with it?!! 

rope walk

The only difference between then and now is…I don’t comment n at times don’t connect to your thoughts..Its weird..even right now.accepting all the wrongs I have done in my life so far..the ego..it just wont take it..its really really tough…to know and forgive my own self..i am not amazed when people just write me off their life..being the other person…who had to go through the turmoil of tolerating me..
You know..he said I have some problem with self esteem…its either at the max..and then in no time it just vanishes…however I have a sense of pride in myself..that I always talk about myself n somehow or the other i end up connecting myself to every given situation in a very dramatic way..n then..the show gets over..like sam said…its like climbing a mountain only to find a suburban view! how disappointing that is..can you even imagine? M sure you can..Like the show is up..and you are at the climax…(like obviously it’s a short life..n u need more characters to play) ok..i am sure I lost you there…and then suddenly you go ‘woosh’ like you just vanish from a situation..the larger picture…its like living so many lives..so many plots…so many characters to play…all at the same….and its just one of the many strings of relations and thus various characters that you live there…
Like friends..and family…they do remain..they just don’t vanish…they don’t let you vanish…they just make sure you exist…imagine how many deaths would have one lived in a life time had there not been these relations…the people who strengthens the rope..for the walk we step on for…that’s the beauty of life…tentacles everywhere to strengthen one rope or the other…