the Dukhabara in all of us!!!

The silence around me is getting scary day by day..its like as if i am inside a huge dark tent..and no matter how much i try to light the candle, the still air puts off the light every time!!! Giving up i decide to make my eyes used to the darkness but the thought light eludes me and as a result i neither get accustomed to the darkness nor do i get light enough to keep me sane!! what is sanity anyway?? just a state of mind in one's own thought!!! reminds me of your thought provoking line "everyone is mad as per other's point of view" how freaking true...I wonder how i didnt think about it before? or may be i did..it was just the thought of light which eluded me yet again!! :)

lucid..

We were in darkness…~pun intended~…and the continuous sound of wave was trippy enough…a walk not so long..with a smile on our faces and loads of confusions about our own freaky world…well most of it was personal stuff…and the lovely couple deeply n madly in love….just confirmed that the word still exists..

And may be our confusions are not so meaningless after all
May be the feelings are still there
May be the thought is still alive..
May be just may be it was worth the tears and thoughts…

In our own world of missing our significant (?) other we walked the longer mile…!!

:(

like i said...

And thus we lived our own lonely lives trying to convince ourselves more than anyone else that we are happy this way. Its not about us together with each other, its about the inner conflict we thought we could deal with when together..and its about the inner conflict winning the game..its about the ball being in our court and yet we gave it away..scared…afraid..confused…. Its about the sudden surprises.. life is inexplicable

thinking loud!!

why is it that all we have in life is work,no-attachment life, n sm more work??
so many things yet the need of something else is always there...something more meaningful..
probably i am doing the most meaningful thing i have ever done in my life till now.yet at times it becomes necessary..the urge of doing something beyond what i am doing now..

satisfaction is a silly word!!

Endings n Beginnings..

Like every other day she woke up at 6 in the morning to the alarm and unlike everyone she knows, she didn’t put it on snooze. The water supply in her locality had selected this annoying time of the day for anyone who comes back home at 3 in the morning, and that too only for an hr did the locality get water. So there she woke up and filled all the bottles and buckets and she started cleaning the room.
The one room kitchen apartment of hers was big enough for her 7 medium sized bags that she has been traveling along since the day she left home, and knew it was for good. The corner of the room she loved the most was this huge french window and the view every moment she stood right there. Amazingly in the city which never sleeps she had got a place to stay where all you could see around was greenery, and that just compensated the rest of discomfort one feels coming from a middle class family of Kolkata and staying in a Slum Rehabilitation Bldg of Mumbai. She was quite accustomed to the city and the place and she knew she will never leave this place, this city at least.

She will never forget the view of him leaving her there in her state and going away from her for good. Not even looking back once, she was hurt that day hurt to an extent she would never recover, probably. She didn’t try stopping him once he was out of the room, she hated creating a scene outside her space and she knew that very moment that it was not going to work. It all started with a simple fight, they used to fight everyday abusing each other and then inventing new abuses so that the fights were not boring. They somehow felt the bond when they screamed at each other every time they met. People who knew both of them didn’t like her much or that’s what she thought, few cause of jealousy as she was lucky enough to have him and few simply thought she was not intelligent enough to be with him. But nothing mattered to her anymore; somehow she knew she was going to be here one day looking out of the window staring at the roads where she had last seen him, where she had last seen the car. The last day that they fought was about switching off the lights, she thought to herself and laughed at her own and his kiddish nature.
She gets ready for office and her interaction of the day as usual with the auto guy started with her uttering the word “Versova”..her office…today she was still stuck to the thought of his not being there, and she didn’t know why.
Did she still miss him? miss the 17 yrs of her life spent wit him? miss every fight she had with him?? He will come back and this time it will be she bringing him back to life and she knew it.

Body & Soul

“If soul is regarded to be a different entity then y is it always so quite?”
“It listens to you”
“Does this entity ever talk?”
“Of course it does”
“Why can’t we hear her then?”
“You don’t realize. You are always too lost someplace else”
“Is it the same with everyone?”
“No, there are people who do know her, who talk to her, who can feel her but it seems it’s not normal.’
“How stupid is that? How can that be not normal?? E.g. - if you are staying with someone in the same house then you talking to that person is in all sense normal. Don’t you think so? Then how come when this somebody is inside you and you converse and it’s called abnormal?”
“They say it affects their health. their body..”
“Soul fight with them is it?”
“Yeah they either fight or effect in such a way which is believed to be harmful for everyone around.”
“But you don’t fight with me. I like you, you have always answered my questions, you have always supported my emotions, my thoughts. I am fine, my health is fine, I love talking to you.”

Michelle checks her eye liner on the mirror and gets up from the chair. Its time she leaves for office.