"different" unchanged..

the roads....the cars...the people...the language....the faces....known...unknown....changes...
the sky has a different colour...the air has a different smell...the trees look different too...

the word "different" remained the only unchanged thing in my life...

i am different....for good or bad....the definitions are different...shaun is different..

"i will b better of than i was before ..i planned this life i'll b around to grow..who i was before i can not become......fear m falling..the lights go out..fear i am fallin i am fallin safely to the ground!!!"

poem by prasoon joshi..

Read this...loved it....tought of sharing it... :)


During our childhood, we all must've written poems and essays stating, 'India is my country and I am very proud of it'. The sad part however is that, today, it seems that we are not doing enough to make our country proud. After all the untimely attack on Mumbai, the Master of words...Mr. Wordsmith himself, Prasoon Joshi, in his way through the free-flowing poetry, leads us from darkness to light. Presented here are the gems from his touching poem:

Is baar nahin

Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi mere paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi
Main usey phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga
Panapney doonga uski tees ko
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga
Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale
Dard ko risney doonga,utarney doonga andar gehrey
Is baar nahin

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga
Na hi uthaoonga rui ke phahey
Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankein band karlo,gardan udhar kar lo main dawa lagata hoon
Dekhney doonga sabko hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav
Is baar nahin

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga,chatpatahat dekhoonga
Nahin daudoonga uljhee door lapetney
Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake
Is baar nahin

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar
Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat
Nahin banoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki
Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par
Utarney doonga usey keechad main,tedhey medhey raston pe
Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon
Halka nahin padney doonga uska rang
Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar
Ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye
Is baar nahin

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai
Gaur se
Thoda lambe wakt tak
Kuch faisley
Aur uskey baad hausley
Kahin toh shuruat karni hi hogi
Is baar yahi tay kiya hai

... Prasoon Joshi

avishek..

i have always been the apple of ma parent's eye....always did the best..and always made them feel proud....each and every person was very happy with me...ma frnds ma parents...ma sister used to always envy me...but i knew it was just a kiddish thing...
once i remember i was chatting with ma cousin sister over the phone and ma own sister came n threw the phone away....we fought for a while....but somewhere down the line i knew y she did it......
now m gone...something happened...n i just left everybody....i wanted to come bk at one point of time but guessed it was too late...
i am near away from my family....i see them..i try talking to them...
but what the hell.....has the world gone deaf????
i also see something else...
a transition of thoughts about me in my people...from cute to handsome to intelligent to amazing to poor guy to coward to looser...
i am in awe.

peace....please...

The theory of "Pot of Patience" has always been so true for me..though wen i heard about it i was not much aware of it...~one of those golden days when i was with people like D in my life~
patience is coming to an end for me..the huge pot i had is about to overflow..
quite a few days now that i am getting the warning from within and since then i have been trying hard to control the same...
i cant tolerate people...i cant take people dominating me to such an extent that it gets too suffocated for me to even meet them or see them in any form...there is good and bad of everyone...and dont you think its always appreciable when people accept the good and bad things they have..themselves..and not trying to portray that he is always the best and never does wrong...
how do u feel when your thoughts...are being shared and then being represented again back to you in such a way as if you had no clue what the thought was at all in the very first place...to some extent ya i do agree...v all take it...but not your feelings or ideas when even your thoughts get stolen...tats the worst thing one can do to you....
never got the point behind why people has to put up as something which they are not..just for the sake of attention of your beloved or a few more people of opposite sex or may be in general to get attention...
phew...how do people even manage to do such things???and WHY??is the question in my life right now...
past 2 days staying alone after a long time atleast helped me to think and get my mind in place...
and finally the answer i got of all these is just dont listen...ya exactly...dont even give attention to such people...cause i know..if i do...not only will i be all the more frustrated but also my "pot of patience" will overflow...result being the relationship with those people will go for a toss....for sure...
hence...lets follow the Father of our nation and dont listen and see what you dont want to ~bit modified version of the monkeys~ so that we dont land up talking our mind and do the blunder...

so the bottom line is i need some peace in my life and i want to get it myself...i really dont need anyone's help...

back to my real world...!!!

How many times do we think and try to feel each and every cell of our body while we walk???
Try walking….the slowest the best….so slow..tat if anyone sees you from a distance you look nothing but like a statue..and then try observing each and every muscle…each and every cell of your body….trust me its tougher than running the marathon….!!
And then suddenly imagine yourself to be a tap…or a cake or anything…any non-living thing..anything that doesn’t make much of sense in daily life…or perhaps things which we never care thinking of….
How do u think you will look when u r the cage n not inside the cage…
I don’t make any sense….do i???
Well…I exactly know what must be in your mind…”ammu lost it again..!!!”
Went for the workshop…a new theatre group that I have joined…had to do all dese…which initially didn’t make any sense….creativity is there inside all of us….but getting it out is d toughest job..and that is where the director comes in….
Think of 3 people trying to become one single cat….people may call us mad…but we are just trying to do something which makes more sense than just earning money out of theatres…next play we will do is for the blinds…where the actors are gonna be blindfolded….too curious to work in it…lets see how it goes…
Theatre is one of the biggest form of adventure…I felt after the first day..

It was nice going back where I belong to…!!!!!

3 situations.....

what the fuck are u expected to do when at the end of everything u know that in spite of u working ur ass out for something...u r d one who lost it all....u either tend to divert ur attention away from the same or u get frustrated or close that chapter of ur life totally.
now the question is which chapter of ur life do u open now??another one which u hv lost long time back??and get back to the same shit???this is the catch of the situation...u feel like getting away from everything and u tend to run around in search of something new...something in which u feel u may win...."may" be this time u wont b at a loss....
and den the moment u make peace wit the first situation...dere comes someone to juz remind u tat what a losser u r....to slog ur ass....n gv ur best for something like this...
how r u expected to behave den???but no...people around u will expect u to act normally...is it cause they have never faced such things in life???which is quite unlikely....or is it because they are just trying to hide their own guilt as they know they are somewhere responsible for what u r going thru right now???

this is a big blame game...for which at a point of time u just feel like leaving everything...
but ya...lemme remind o the third situation...someone very important to u...someone whose views really matters comes in d situation and says tat u r a coward..as u r running away fromt the situation.....all u can say is..."What The FUCK???????????"

blogananda!!!

wats this blog thing after all???
just a moment ago i had this very different concept about blogs and i always used to think a million times before even tryin to post anything that came in ma mind...(perhaps at d end o tis one no one will actually dare to read mine)
right now i went through this blog of someone whom i dont really knw....but found it really interesting..

what are we here for????
what do u think we are all doing...just sitting discussing about science...or literature or sports or may be some ...i dunno....watever...???(being from a very much bengali family its kinda dere in me...have seen ma dad sitting wit his frnds n tryin to change the whole freakin world whithin a span of few hrs...)

what about day to day life...nothing..perhaps no experiences...no comments...only wat i feel like...not right..not wrong...perhaps a song....no challenges....no competitions....perhaps a good laugh....something which may not necessarily make any sense to anyone else....may be an equally crazy person like me...can find out sm meaning out o it....

some more insights i hv learnt from the above mentioned blog:-

1. do not always judge any person as ppl say they are....(not coz they r wrong...but may b he is sm split personality and is a different person altogether wen he is wit his frnds)
2. in today's world perhaps everybody is partially or completely introvert(also referring to one o ma fav blogs also..ma god mom's)
3. third n final....point is...once a bong always a bong..no matter how much i try to change maself..after giving so much gyan abt blogs....hv jotted down the points above...and a small analysis is done.. :P

oommmm...blogaya namah....!!!!!!
http://nishantblogsat.blogspot.com
(the blog tat made me think abt blogs...)

memoirs...

Life has reached a certain point…i at times wonder. Where did it all start from…

Just like any other girl of ma status i had started ma journey…some influence from here n there n I am here today…

Living all alone…initially it was not tat good…but I dont miss not being with someone anymore….

And I am glad about it….at least I don’t find maself crying without any reason..i have a lot of reason to laugh…which I have created maself…I dont know..rather dont wanna know whether these reasons r temporary or permanent…but I am happy n tats all matters to me….

Certain feelings just die away after a certain point of time in life…

It was just another day of ma life…the very morning gave me a hint that the day may not be as normal as I expected it to be…

Watching the view from ma 4 th floor appt is not tat bad at all….i somehow go back to ma childhood days….it was a beautiful place....with amazing people around me…I start walking down the memory lane…there i can see a gal…screaming at the top of her lungs trying to learn the spelling of “mango” and there was someone who continuously irritating her while she is studying…then suddenly I see that gal learning to climb a tree…a coconut tree….and when she looks upwards..she finds that somebody again ahead of her…”uff”….he always irritates her…he is always ahead of her…

its really getting humid here in Mumbai…..wiping ma sweat I try to go back to the past again..

That somebody went somewhere…mom said he has gone to a hostel…she was relieved…finally he is not gonna irritate her…she was alone…studying physics…and she missed that someone...

“who is tat somebody??” now that it has been ages…I think hard. How did that person look???who was he exactly???

..ufff..he is back again…this time he is sad….she kinda missed him when he was not at home..perhaps it happens…you land up missing even the most irritating person of ur life also…”he is not that bad after all….”she thinks to herself…

Getting late..need to go to office…

the car is standing in front of her house…has been 6 yrs…they are here to take him away forever….she is trying to keep him back..but they wont listen..they have to take him away forever….

A shiver runs down ma spine…I was kinda stuck to that “someone” I know him really well…I have spent quite some time wit him..i am feeling restless..there was not much of work in office also…I call up my mom..very much unsure..should I ask her about that person…

He came to me tonight…he told me..he was my only friend I ever had…but he had to go…he was my dada…..

mixed fruit juice...

"versova"

the very first word i uttered since morning.....got to get a rik...getting late for office...these are some of the thoughts which runs...ma granny would have scolded me..."subah subah bhagwan ka naam lo...."

it has been d same for the past 7 months or so....."whats wrong wit ma earphone??" i think to maself....hmmm....ok now...FM 107.1....ma favorite....

random thoughts keeps on coming....i get inside d auto...music louder...."what did rahul actually mean by saying i have killed maself????"

everybody does....each n every person i have known have killed their own selves....i have killed some one else too.....

Al....the RJ sounds really good...i kinda start imagining how he looks...."ammu....u not gonna change eh..."i laughed...ooppss...the driver looks bk.....

work....comes bk 2 ma mind....lots o stuff to do....schemes...politics.....mind games.....phew......but d weird part is i love ma work....or...wait for a sec....do i have any other option???

"what goes around comes around" i start singing loud....rahul wrote certain things about me which i never told him....i miss D at times....a lot...i don't miss rahul at all....but he knows me...i think....too many people in ma life...sometimes i feel...what m i doing wit ma life...ma manager...he reads ma mind...i hate him for tat...i don't like anyone reading ma mind...i do tat to others.....he says i don't have any aim...i dunno what m doing wit maself...he is right...but tats too much o right for me to take at times...i guess....

relationships has always been a pain for me....phew...i hate tis single add on reliance....whats gonna b d next song????......i think about certain people whom i would love 2 fall for...but...........

no...m better tis way....perhaps i cant fall for anyone anymore....certain people i would also love to kick outta ma life...but d worst part is i cant b rude 2 them.....

what d fuck can i ever do in ma life????

"bhaiya....aage cut se right lena..."